The Salesby5 Blog

Today I had the pleasure of speaking to the wonderful audience of ESPN’s Paul Alexander on his segment called, “Bringin’ It.”

Whether in business or finding the right person to date, you are either selling or un-selling yourself. Men everywhere are missing scarcity, exclusivity, an overt benefit and dramatic difference in their pitch to date women. Many men become something they are not when around a female they are attracted to. Instead of being real, they will put on a fake front.

These are some of the most common attempts by men I meet:

1. “How do I get a girl like you?” This shows insecurity. Everyone has some level of insecurity, but never assume that a girl is out of your league. Ask questions, listen, and let the conversation flow. You may find that you two may have mutual chemistry after all. If you find that you do not, you can walk away feeling confident that you were real, polite, and a gentleman. You will have impressed her by doing just that. If you run into her a second time, I can almost guarantee you that she will approach you to say hello first.

2. “I make lots of money and have a boat, want to go on a date?” This may be true, however, instead of talking about yourself, try asking her real questions about what you really want to know (her name, etc), which shows interest in her, while not un-selling yourself. Here’s a suggestion: once the conversation gets going, nonchalantly find out if going to the lake is an interest of hers first. If it is, then at the end of the conversation, invite her (don’t be pushy) to join you on a boat ride sometime soon. This shows her that you listened when she spoke. Leave her with something to think about.  Many men make it about them with talk of money, fame, cars, or bragging elements versus making it about the female. The ability to persuade someone to care starts with real questions that stimulates dramatic difference. The difference is about the other person and getting them to want to talk while you listen.

The sales data show that for over 20 years the #1 failure in not getting the sale is talking too much or showing up and throwing up. The latest data says that not listening now prevails. These are all same things that impact dating. Listening that I like tomatoes and asking for extra, or that I do not like tonic but prefer club soda. It matters because you listened.

Don’t be who you want to be, or who you think they want you to be, just be your REAL self! Do you have questions or comments? Please send me a message via the comments section. You can also reach me via kya AT salesby5 DOT com

Look for my posts here every Tuesday!

Tags: kya